Through causes and conditions, my adopted son was poisoned with alcohol, cocaine and various other drugs before he was born into this world. Upon arriving in this world he made his way into my life at the very young age of 3. He spent the next 10 years growing up listening to the Dharma, being surrounded by a sangha and hearing about the Nembutsu path. I truly believe that he is embraced by Amida's Compassion and Wisdom.
And in the midst of Amida's Compassion and Wisdom.....
I had to surrender his care into more specialized hands 2.5 years ago...in a sense I had to "give up" the responsibilities of being his parent because it became apparent that his mental health issues could lead to my physical harm. People often act out their aggressions with people they feel the closest and safest.
The guilt of not being able to help him has overwhelmed me and sent me time and time again into depression.
Where is Amida's Compassion and Wisdom in all of this?
How can I hear Amida calling me when my mind is dark and full of my own "screaming noise"?
Where is Amida?
Where is Amida?
Where is Amida?
Right here.....right here....right here.....right here....always.....always...always embraced never abandoned....
and 2.5 years later....
today, January 4, 2013
I spent three hours visiting my son, shopping, having lunch...a good visit....a good visit....a good visit.
Therein, lies Amida....
Namu Amida Butsu
Thank you,
Jishin
Namo Amida Bu _()_
ReplyDeleteA wise person (a counselor who, lucky me, is Buddhist) once shared a pearl of wisdom with me when I was experiencing woe with one of my children. He told me that he saw that I was trying hard to let go (it was serious stuff with her) and that once I was able to do this, my child would be free to develop along the path that was straightest for her. This would happen because she would not have to constantly side-step to get around me along her path. I cried for a week about it, but he was just exactly right. She did follow her own path just as we all do, and she's a wonderful, artistic, lovely person. Amida was working in my life many, many years before I formally met him. (Julie)
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